Duke of Scandal (Moonlight Square, Book 1) Read online

  Good God, was she really this boring? Or just locked in a cage of her own making?

  No, she realized. Her heart refused to suggest any grand wishes because, deep down, she thought, What’s the point? Why let yourself long for anything when it’ll never happen?

  She glanced at him. That was the lesson you taught me, Jason.

  Floundering, she hid her teeming inner conflict from his searching gaze with a polite smile and just shrugged. “I hardly know.”

  “Well, you’d better think of something, because I don’t recommend you spend it all. A wise schedule of investments will preserve it for future generations and help to make it grow. That is one reason it was wise of your aunt not to split the money up and dole it out among you and your cousins. Lesson one in being rich: a large sum is much easier to grow.”

  She tilted her head. “You actually sound like you know what you’re talking about.”

  He snorted and leaned back in his chair, slanting her a wry smile, then he read on.

  “You’re looking better than before,” she remarked after a moment, studying him.

  “You shouldn’t stare at someone while they are reading. It’s considered rude,” he said.

  “Who were they?” she ventured in a confidential tone.

  He went very still, but his glance shifted uncomfortably from the page to her face and then back again. “I presume you mean the girls.”

  “Yes.”

  He avoided her gaze. “They were no one.”

  “Which one is your lover? Or…surely not both?”

  His cheeks actually colored a bit as he sent her a brief scowl. “Neither!”

  “Don’t lie to me. I’m not a child.”

  “I’m not lying! I wouldn’t use the term lover for women of their sort,” he mumbled.

  “Oh. I see.”

  He shot her a glower and then looked away, clutching the papers in both hands as he stared very hard at them, sinking down a bit in his seat.

  Wickedly, she was rather enjoying his discomfiture. “So…what would you call them, then?” she asked after a while.

  He refused to look at her. “If you must know, they told me their names were Ginger and Velvet. So that’s what I call them.”

  She stifled a snort of ridicule. “Ginger and Velvet?”

  Jason eyed her, clearly hearing the humor in her voice and apparently relieved she had not fainted. He returned his gaze resolutely to the papers and mumbled, “I’d wager their real names are closer to Fannie and Jane, but, you know, I didn’t really ask.”

  “You mean you didn’t care,” she needled.

  “Obviously.”

  “Jason!”

  “What?” he bit out, tossing the folio aside. “I suppose you want me to apologize for something that doesn’t concern you. Fine, if it makes you feel better. I am sorry. Though for what, I am not sure.”

  “I don’t want your apology!”

  “What, then? What do you want from me, Felicity Carvel? Please tell me, because I’ve no blasted idea.”

  She knew exactly what he was talking about and shut her mouth abruptly.

  He waited as though daring her to admit something she never would.

  “I want you to be happy,” she managed at last. “And sane. And to stop killing yourself bit by bit and racing full tilt down the road to perdition.”

  There. It was close enough to telling him that she still cared. And frankly, she’d been dying to say those words to him for years—tell him what she really thought of his wild mode of life.

  “I see.” He tapped the pencil he’d been using as a pointer through the legal pages on the table a few times, then chucked even that aside.

  “See what?”

  “You’re going to sort me out, are you, my darling?” he taunted, the most cynical of challenges in his midnight eyes. “Do you know how many times I’ve heard this speech from well-meaning women?”

  She looked at him for a long moment, taken aback by the tactic. What could she do but shrug and deny it?

  “I’m not going to do anything with you, Jason. I tried that, as you’ll recall. It didn’t work.”

  “Oh, yes, I do recall. Your attempt to rob me of my honor. That, or get me killed.”

  She gasped at his accusation. “And here I thought you might’ve become a gentleman now that you’re supposedly grown up!” Furious at him, she started to rise, meaning to leave him sitting there alone, but he grasped her forearm.

  “Don’t you dare say I was not a gentleman with you,” he warned her, fire in his eyes. “You have no idea what that could have led to. None at all. You were fifteen.”

  “And you’ve hated me ever since,” she said coldly, her insides turned to ice. “What are you even doing here?” She pulled her arm free of his hold. “You can’t be after the money. So why did you even bother? Oh, wait. I know why. Because you’re such a great friend to my brother.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” he demanded.

  She stared at him, amazed at how willfully obtuse he was being.

  “What, you want to make me say it?” he countered. “Very well. I’m here because I care about you, Felicity. If that’s wrong, I’m sorry. It’s the truth.”

  She stared at him, dismayed to find that she believed him. She dropped her gaze, though she could still feel his scrutiny. “Well, you’ve got a funny way of showing it, all but ignoring me for the past eight years.” She ventured a guarded glance, but to her surprise, he did not deny that he had done so.

  “It seemed best to stay away from you,” he finally admitted.

  “And why is that?”

  “Why do you think, Felicity?” he exclaimed, then looked away.

  A moment later, he shoved the papers toward her. “Everything appears to be in order here. I should go.”

  “I do not understand you,” she said.

  “Obviously,” he muttered again.

  “If you care so much about my brother, then why did you send him off on this expedition? You should have talked him out of this whole daft notion, not paid for him to go! Must I lose my last remaining family member? Will you not be happy until I am left entirely alone?”

  His angry gaze softened as tears rushed into her eyes.

  She struggled to keep her composure, lowering her gaze. She shook her head. “I know Peter’s always liked science and travel, but he barely just got home from the war, Jason. I worried about him night and day for six years. Why couldn’t I just have my brother safe at home for a while? But no, you must always indulge yourself, living vicariously through him! Just like Aunt Kirby tried to relive her youth vicariously through me.”

  “Felicity—”

  “Well, it’s true, isn’t it? You send my brother off to risk his neck while you stay at home playing with y-your Gingers and your Velvets!” she finished in withering contempt.

  He stared at her, looking taken aback to hear anyone dare address His Grace that way, let alone to grasp the anger she had been carrying around toward him.

  “Well,” he murmured at last, “you have grown up, haven’t you?”

  She glared at him.

  “Very well,” he said. “I think it’s time we had that conversation.”

  “What conversation?” she demanded, roughly brushing away the tear that had run down her cheek.

  “Sit down. Please.”

  Begrudgingly, she sank down into her seat across from him. He studied her for a moment, as though unsure what to say.

  Around them, the birds chirped in the garden, and through the screen of shrubberies beyond the fence, a carriage clip-clopped by along the quiet Mayfair street where she lived.

  “My dear, you may be Peter’s closest kin, but you’re apparently as blind as everyone else was to his true condition.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  He paused, watching her tenderly. “Felicity, your brother came back more damaged by the war than I think you realize.”

  Her stomach promptly knotted up. “Wh
at do you mean? I know he got shot and slashed with cavalry sabers a couple of times, but he healed up fine. He told me so!”

  “I’m not talking about physical scars, darling. Surely you noticed he wasn’t quite himself when he came back.”

  Gerald’s words about her brother rang in her ears: Not right in the head…

  “You knew about the nightmares?” Jason asked gently.

  “Well, yes, but he said he was getting better.”

  “Of course he’d tell his sister that.” Jason shook his head as he held her gaze. “You can’t expect a man to hurl himself against the enemy continuously for years, and then toss him back into the streets of normal life as though nothing ever happened. Believe me, I didn’t want him to leave, either. I missed him just as much as you did. He’s the truest friend I’ve got. Which is precisely why I funded the expedition with the field crew and the naturalists and the artists and cartographers and the native Sherpa guides and the whole bloody lot. You think I wanted him to go? No. I feared what he might do if we didn’t find some project to keep him busy. Something big.”

  “What he might…do? Surely you don’t mean…?”

  “Yes,” he whispered in regret.

  “Oh my God.” The words that escaped her were barely audible. She covered her mouth and stared at him with the ghastly realization.

  “Pete’s a man of action. So I sent him on this adventure to the Himalayas and told him to make me a map. Name a mountain after me or a river or some such thing. Do you think I really give a damn about that sort of monument to my ego? No. I did it to save my friend’s life.”

  Her voice fled, and his face blurred as tears welled up in her eyes.

  Jason searched her face, then shook his head. “I’m sorry. You were never supposed to know this.”

  “My poor brother,” she whispered.

  “A man pays a price for being a hero. Which is why I generally stay away from it.” When he saw she was too upset even to smile at his wry jest, he whispered, “Sweeting,” and moved out of his chair and came closer.

  Going down on one knee, he gathered her into his arms. Felicity was too dazed to protest. She fought not to weep outright as he hugged her and whispered reassurances.

  “Don’t worry. He’ll be all right. This expedition was just the thing for him, I promise. Nearly a year in the wilderness will have no doubt helped your brother work out the savage part of him the war created. And who knows, maybe making this map will help him find his own way out of the maze he’s in. If not, by God, I’ll just send him off again. All right?” He took her by the shoulders and pulled back to gaze into her eyes. “I won’t let anything happen to our lad, don’t you worry. I’ll tell him to go find me some long-lost temple or something. He’d probably enjoy that.”

  “And here I was, blaming you.” Her mind was reeling. “I just wish he would’ve told me he was still in pain.”

  “Sweeting, he only told me when he was drunk. It’s not the sort of thing a man admits. Especially one who’s used to being fully in control at all times.”

  “Oh, Jason, he’s got to be all right. I need my brother back in one piece. He’s all I’ve got.”

  “I know. Try not to worry,” he whispered, smoothing her hair. “He’ll be much more himself again by the time he gets home, I’m sure. He sounded rather happy in his letter when he wrote to let me know they were on their way back to England.”

  “Really?” she asked with a sniffle.

  He nodded. “I’ll bring it next time I see you so you can read it for yourself. But I’m telling him it’s your fault his surprise was ruined once he gets here, so don’t blame me,” he teased in a gentle tone, coaxing a smile out of her.

  “Thank you,” she whispered earnestly. “I am sorry for those accusations. I didn’t understand.”

  “I know. It’s all right.” He rose and returned to his seat with a look of reassurance. “I don’t want you to worry overmuch. He survived the war. He managed not to get eaten by any tigers in those tropical mountain forests, so I think it’s safe to wager he’ll make it across the sea in one piece and you’ll have him back soon. Don’t tell him what I told you, all right? He just needed a distraction for a while to help him readjust. I only suggested it because it seemed to me a spot of survival in the wilderness would make a good middle step for him between war and civilian life. And, of course, when we were children, he always daydreamed about seeing elephants in the wild.”

  “I remember that,” she said with a rueful smile. “He hated seeing that one locked in its cage in the zoo. Well…” She wiped the last tear off her face. “At least in the future, now that I’m rich, I can pay for my brother’s adventures myself if he needs to go off somewhere again.”

  “Excuse me, are you trying to steal my glory? I might have to fight you on that,” he teased.

  “Don’t be greedy! Maybe I want a mountain named after me, too.”

  “You’re much too pretty for a mountain,” he said softly. “Maybe some species of orchid. Or possibly a waterfall.”

  They gazed at each other for a long moment.

  “May I ask you a question?” she murmured.

  His glance slid away from hers, and he sat back in his chair. “Hmm, I suppose. If you must.”

  “Why didn’t you go with him?” she asked. “You don’t seem very happy here. It might’ve been just the thing for you, too.”

  A shadow passed behind his eyes, but he hid it with a jest. “What, a duke sleep on the ground? With the insects and the snakes? Get dysentery? No thank you, madam.” He feigned a shudder. “Not my idea of a holiday.”

  “You’re lying,” she whispered with a tender smile. “You’d have loved it. Just like you wanted to go fight in the war, too.”

  He arched a brow in surprise, but he did not deny it. He waited a thoughtful moment, then shrugged. “I have obligations here,” he said at length. Secrets flickered behind his eyes, but he didn’t share them.

  He drummed his fingers idly on the table, playing the role of the wealthy scoundrel once again. “No, my dear, some men are born to go forth into the world and do great and interesting things, while others merely exist to foot the bill. That’s me.”

  “You’re bored, Jason,” she murmured with a knowing shake of her head. “That was always when you got into the most trouble, as I recall.”

  He chuckled. “You know me too well.” He rose from his seat. “I must be going.”

  He bowed to her, but she remained seated. “Jason,” she said as he started to leave. “Thank you for coming to look at the papers. Thank you for what you confided in me, too. And thank you most heartily for what you did for my brother.” She paused. “You’re a good man underneath it all. I just wanted you to know that I do know that. And, yes, you were always a gentleman with me.”

  Unfortunately.

  He was silent, absorbing her acknowledgment for a moment like rain on a thirsty field. But it was only a heartbeat before the next ready jest sprang from his sardonic lips. “Well, for God’s sake, don’t tell anybody. I can’t have that sort of talk getting round.”

  She smiled wryly. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

  He winked at her like the rogue he was and strolled away, but he paused when he reached the back door of her house. “By the by, when you receive an invitation to the musicale at Lord and Lady Pelletier’s house in Moonlight Square, I hope you will accept.”

  “Lord and Lady Pelletier…? I don’t know if I’ve ever been formally introduced to them.” She furrowed her brow. “When is it?”

  “Tomorrow night at eight p.m.”

  “Oh.” Her face fell. “I did not receive an invitation.”

  “You will. And I hope to see you there.”

  “But, Jason, wait—I’m still in mourning for Aunt Kirby for at least another fortnight.”

  “That’s why I suggested this occasion,” he replied. “A private house concert should be decorous enough even for your esteemed chaperone.”

  Her pulse pound
ed as it sank in that he wanted to see her again. Soon. Tomorrow night!

  She tucked her hair behind her ear and did her best to seem nonchalant. “Well, if Mrs. Brown does not object, and if you really think you can get me an invitation at this late date…”

  “Child’s play,” he declared. “Until tomorrow night, Miss Carvel.” Then he bowed to her once more and took his leave.

  “Your Grace.” The farewell left her lips on a whisper, as he’d left her breathless yet again.

  But after he had gone, Felicity sat trembling for a moment and stared unseeingly at the garden, contemplating where his sudden attention might lead. Hadn’t she hurt herself badly enough before, chasing after him? Suddenly, London seemed more dangerous than the jungles that her brother had just traversed, while Jason’s words echoed in her ears: Sounds as though Pete’s not the only adventurer in the family…

  But she wasn’t thinking of Aunt Kirby this time. No, to Felicity’s dismay, it appeared that her brother’s best friend was still the only adventure she craved.

  She closed her eyes and shivered with a sense of impending doom, for she wanted him even now.

  I am such a fool.

  CHAPTER 4

  Nocturne

  Lord and Lady Pelletier’s intimate musical evenings were always very well attended. About a hundred guests had crowded into the earl’s impeccable home in Moonlight Square, but so far, none of them was Felicity.

  Jason wandered restlessly among the crowd, starting to get a bit nervous over whether she was actually going to come. He nursed a single malt Scotch and watched the top of the staircase for her arrival. On the main floor of the house, the pocket doors had been rolled back, joining the drawing and music rooms for the occasion, so he had a clear view from the post he now took up on the far end of the space, near the ensemble.

  A gleaming pianoforte had been rolled into place in front of a small chamber orchestra of about twenty musicians. The players were tuning up, chatting, checking their sheet music, and receiving a final bit of pestering from Herr Schroeder, the Pelletiers’ very capable German composer, who would be debuting a new piece for the Season on this very night.